It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
