That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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