Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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