Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
