I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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