He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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