end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
