Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
