I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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