Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize