why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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