hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
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