ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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