Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
