Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
