Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
