I wannas sexs uuuuu
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
