repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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