Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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