the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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