your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.