oh good, I think they're gone
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag