Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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