I just saw a hot homeless man
someone owes me an orgasm
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes