doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with