It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
