I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine