I think i peed on brittanys purse
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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