Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
