Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
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