I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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