...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
