she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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