I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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