We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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