Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
