I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
