Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
