She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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