Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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