wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize
