grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Randomize
