It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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