someone threw a dead crab at me
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
