what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
