No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
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