My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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