You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
