my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
