Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
i believe in u and ur pee
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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