I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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