she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
