1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
