some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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