i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
