it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
