ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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