Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
