You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
I just gift wrapped bread.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
