remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
